Common reactions to hearing loss

A woman sits alone at a table holding a paper cup and looing sad while 4 people are stood chatting and happy in the background — Image by freepik

Hearing loss changes our relationship with the world because we no longer hear some of the things we used to.

It can change the reactions of how others respond to you and how we relate to our families, and they to us. Partners, friends and family members who have known us for many years may not know how to respond to your new needs.

Stages of adjusting

Now that your hearing has changed, you may not feel like the person you once were. You may grieve for your lost hearing, and equally your family may want to grieve for the person they have lost.

The next chapter of your life living with deafness may be full of wonderful new things you would not have experienced if these changes did not happen.

These include changing careers, becoming the partner of a hearing dog, speaking in public, and sitting on the committee of a charity for deaf people.

A woman talking and looking happy holding a microphone with people sat behind her

Others may be excited and proud of the new people they have become. Here are a few examples of how hearing loss can change things:

I don’t think my daughter realises how deaf I am. She gets impatient with me. When my brother visits, if I don’t hear the doorbell, he goes home without seeing me.

Some families may struggle to adjust to their relative who has hearing loss and live in denial about the change they have experienced. It can be difficult for them to accept, or they simply do not understand the implications of living with deafness. Whatever the reason, this can impact negatively on the life of the deaf person.

A man and a woman looking at each other in a field of flowers with a hearing dog Spaniel sat in front of them

Deaf people often tell me, that their family can be more inconsiderate about their deafness than a stranger. Such attitudes can put a severe strain upon family relationships.

Two older women talking and smiling, one if wearing a badge with a deaf symbol that says ‘Please speak clearly’

When I’m with the family and they’re talking, I miss so much.

Changing dynamics

Hearing loss can change the dynamics of family life. Here are a few examples:

A previously shy partner may suddenly find that they are the ones who must make the telephone calls, talk to strangers, and buy tickets, because they can hear
Children who previously went to one parent about their homework may now go to the hearing parent because it is ‘quicker and easier’
A deaf family member may miss out on the chatting, joking, gossiping and quarrelling that are such a vital part of family life.

I used to be very reluctant to go out. If I went out for a meal or anything I would want my husband with me so I could say to him, ‘What was that, I didn’t catch that?’ if I couldn’t understand what someone said to me. He acted as my ears.

One of the things I heard was my sister saying, ‘Don’t worry about her, she’s stupid.’ I hadn’t realised what people were saying about me. It was awful to think that people thought I was stupid just because I couldn’t hear.

Reactions of children and family members

Although many of us find that our families our very proud of us and our achievements, some may use deafness as an excuse for showing us disrespect.

My mother never wanted me to train as a nurse; she didn’t think I could do it. She thought it would be a good idea for me to work in a factory. She’s very proud of me now, though.

My sister was very protective – almost smothering. When I was nine, I told her ‘You stop doing it’. It did not go down well.

Teenagers, who sometimes find parents embarrassing anyway, may latch onto our deafness as the reason we are embarrassing – instead of our dress sense or terrible hair style.

I used to have the TV up too loud and so that became a bone of contention. Now that I have digital hearing aids, she thinks my hearing is so much better that I have never had a problem.

The home may be filled with assistive listening technology – a flashing light doorbell, a vibrating smoke alarm, and subtitles on the television.

Some families may view these things with relief, but for some, the equipment is a symbol of deafness, and they dislike its presence in the home.

I can’t use the subtitles because my wife says they spoil the programme for her.

Whatever reaction or change in dynamics you may experience due to changes in hearing, living with deafness means the beginning of a new life – for everyone.

A woman is sat on grass in sunshine with her hearing dog poodle watching her three children playing football nearby

The quotations here come from the people Val Tait interviewed for her book: ‘Life after hearing loss: Telling it like it is.’ Thanks to them for their honesty and co-operation.

Close up of a mum and her daughter hugging and smiling at the camera

Living well with hearing loss

Two women in conversation from over one woman’s shoulder, one woman is dressed in hearing dogs staff uniform and the other is wearing her own clothes using BSL

Hearing Link Services

Registered charity in England and Wales no. 293358 and in Scotland no. SC040486. Royal Patron HRH The Princess Royal.